Tales From The Inside

Chapter Thirteen: Unemployment

What do you do when you find yourself without a job? When your days are filled with applications, and resumes, and cover letters and still nothing seems to be happening? I was at a loss. My parents still did not know that I was unemployed, I was living on a nocturnal schedule, and I still had this uncontrollable urge to work in television news, with no credentials. (Oddly enough, no one was that impressed with an internship I did at Joe Blow News ten thousand years ago.)

I was putting in so many applications, and was getting no where. I was discouraged to say the least. My days were filled with sleeping and watching TV. My nights were filled with applications and reworking my resume, researching news, and surfing the internet for answers. It didn't take long for me to start applying for assistant editing positions. After my affair with the business world, I knew I needed something creative. I still had the desire to do the news thing, but I could feel myself getting the itch back. My problem was that I didn't want to do features. I didn't know much of the editing world beyond that. More importantly, I was scared a becoming invested in this career path again, only to be let down once again. I did what any person in my situation would do: I started walking dogs. My roommate was a part-time dog walker and easily hooked me up with a job. It was fun, albeit challenging in some of the more miserable days of the NY winter.

It didn't take long before I fell into a slump of depression. I was lost. I had no idea where to go from here. Even with the addition of the assistant editing applications, no doors seemed to be opening for me. Unemployment is discouraging. When you have too much time to think, sleep too much, and when you barely see the light of day, it happens. I felt useless and unwanted. Worse, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel like I had a clear goal. I was floating around, not knowing where I wanted to go, what I wanted to be doing. At my lowest point, I found myself asking my friends if it would be completely crazy to cut gay porn. But I went on more interviews, for everything from a videotape inspector to a tech support person at a news station. I was tired of being told I was underqualified. I was tired of being told I was overqualified. (How is that even possible?)

I was close to crawling back to my Traffic job but Christmas break was fast approaching and I couldn't wait. I needed the break, and to get myself out of this rut. I couldn't wait to finally be able to leave the city for the first time since I had arrived, to be able to drive again, see land and trees again, to see my family. The family I had been lying to for two months now. I decided I had to come clean while I was home. To tell them that maybe they were right, maybe quitting a job without something else lined up was a bad idea.

Break was great, and I felt myself returning back to normal. I decided to tell my mom about my job. (I still couldn't bare to tell my father. His lectures were something I didn't want, nor need. He's not the most warm and understanding person on the planet. Surely he could knock my confidence down a few more notches without even realizing it.) Unbelievably, my mom understood. She hated that I had lied, but she seemed to understand my desperation. She even agreed not to tell my dad, an agreement I hated to ask of her, but she knew, like I knew, that his disappointment in me he would not keep to himself. Maybe I needed to be woken up, but I couldn't bare the thought of letting him down.

It was a couple days after Christmas when I received the phone call. It was a call from ABC and I had a interview in two days. It was for an internship, but I didn't care. As I've said numerous times before, I just had to get in the door. I had applied for so many jobs, I didn't even remember exactly what department it was for. In fact, I had no idea what the job description was. Telling my mom that I had gotten that interview was a great feeling. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

The L train wasn't working properly on the day of my interview. I had to take a shuttle to another subway line, and by the time I got into Manhattan, with one transfer and a hefty walk in front of me, I knew I was going to be late. I could blow this interview in many ways, but it wasn't going to be by being late. So I got off at the next stop and on the street level, called them to tell them I got held up by the train and was on my way. They were super understanding and with relief, I hailed a cab. In both of our phone conversations, I was surprised at how nice they were and how well we got along. I thought I had a chance. This wasn't human resources.

By the time I had gotten there, I was so flustered by my commute, I didn't remember to be nervous. I got to the floor of the surprisingly modest building, and something stopped me dead in my tracks. In all my running away from the world of filmmaking, it had found me. Surprisingly, I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I'd be. The door read "ABC Film and Video". This wasn't the ABC. This wasn't the job in news that I thought I finally had found. Their ad had been tricky. I had been fairly certain I was applying to the ABC and instead I had found a film and video company. The irony wasn't lost on me.

While I was waiting to be interviewed I flipped through their modest pamplet. It was a private company that did short films mainly. It was just getting its start and so far, seemed to be doing well.

The interview went great, probably because I actually knew what I was talking about. After looking at my resume, they concluded that I would be an editing intern if hired. I nodded my head in excitement before I realized I didn't think that this was what I wanted.

I got the job. And after my first day, they made me head intern of post-production. I would have eight interns below me, and as I quickly realized, we would be the post department. No one else at the company had as much experience with Final Cut Pro as I, and therefore, I found myself giving workshops and organizing all of their media. They were still very small, working on modest computers. I was delegating jobs and was editing again. The company was working on a documentary, actor reels, and other random things. It was exciting to be in charge. People were coming to me, asking for advice and guidance. People were asking to see my movies, and loved them. I felt like a hero, as cheesy as I'm sure that sounds. I hadn't felt this good since I was a sophomore. I had brought their fledging post-production department into its own. Before I knew it, my mood had done a one-eighty and my confidence in editing had been reignited.

I felt like I belonged there. I wasn't getting paid. I was still walking dogs and was even helping my friend with an independent documentary that paid. ABC Film and Video may have been an unpaid internship, but I loved every second. I wasn't doing it for the money. That was important for me to realize. I was loving it. I was loving editing again. At this point, I knew it was much bigger than a coincidence that I had gotten this job. I had come full circle.

Just when I though things couldn't get better, my phone rang.

Labels: dog walking, Final Cut Pro, finding post, full circle, NY, unemployment, unpaid internship

posted by ms bct @ 11:44 PM