Tales From The Inside

Chapter Two: An Opportunity

You get the drive, you acquire the ambition, you devote yourself to figuring out where you belong in the process, and then what? I was sixteen when I seriously started to consider filmmaking as a career. It seemed so glamourous and dignified. It was like this was something I could do and be proud of how I spent my life.

I couldn't imagine a better occupation than filmmaking. And looking back, I knew nothing about it. I mean, I understood the train wasn't going to come off the screen, and I guess that was a start. I needed to know more before I decided to devote myself to it. But where to begin? How could I get from gazing from behind the barrier, (bordering on behavior that could be deemed stalkerish), to being a part of it all? The nature of the business is very private. Security and gates keep the outside world, outside.

I spent the better part of years sixteen and seventeen looking in from the outside on the rare occasion I could catch filming. I also became obsessed with television. I enjoyed movies, but by no means was a 'buff'. And I didn't own a video camera, so I wasn't running around like M. Night Shyamalan making movies with my friends. In fact, I was far from the cookie cutter example of a future 'filmmaker'.

When I was a junior, I heard about a job shadow opportunity in my school. Basically you put in a request to follow someone around for a day in an occupation you wish to work in. I decided to do it. I remember putting in a request to work with the Dawson's Creek Production Company, almost jokingly. I knew the chances were so slim, that I was potentially just throwing this opportunity away. You could only put in one request, and I seriously thought that maybe I should just put in a request to work in a Pediatrician's office. I'm really glad I decided against that. As much as helping children would be possibly one of the most gratifying jobs in the world, I passed out at the sight of blood, and sick children usually made me cry. I just took the chance and requested the production company.

I remember us all being called into the career guidance classroom and being handed an envelope with our job shadow assignments. I watched as everyone else opened theirs, clutching mine nervously. When I finally opened it, I literally screamed in excitement. My friends knew right away. I was going to job shadow "Dawson's Creek". When word spread through the school, most people were very excited for me and wanted to know everything when I returned. Others gave me dirty looks and one person even keyed my car. Keyed my car! I was very well-liked in the school, (even got "Most Friendly" salutation), so this surprised everyone. After that incident, I decided to not be so publicly excited about this opportunity and went the "play it cool" route. Inside, I was a mess of nerves.

The one thing I feared the most was, what if this wasn't for me. What if I hated it, or worse, they hated me and vowed, "You will never work in this industry kid! Give it up!"

Labels: ambitions, Dawson's Creek, fear of failure

posted by ms bct @ 6:56 PM